Balancing Dating-Advice & Your Personal Life
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In the last two articles, (How underground advice makes you weird) I talked about two polar opposite ways of thinking. One is clueless and the other resembles a sociopathic style of thinking where everything is analyzed to the nth degree.
How do you balance these two a blog reader asked?
First and foremost, your first objective ought to be improving your SOCIAL SKILLS, Social Intelligence and SOCIAL Confidence. If you’re looking to improve your dating life, you probably need improvement in one or more of those areas. Some guys need major improvement in all 3!!!
Take concepts and principles from the seduction community and apply them in a way that is socially pleasant. Apply them in a way that makes sense in your world, your town, and your culture.
As a concrete example:
- Having a Strong Reality:
This is a fantastic concept. It implies believing in yourself and believing in your ideal. You remain steadfast and undeterred in those standards which you value. Great idea! Present a strong reality. But then you wouldn’t go to a Christmas dinner party with your cock hanging out of your pants, would you? “Hey, I have a strong reality, and it doesn’t bother me.” Well, it bothers everybody else, and it’s not socially cool.
“Such a ridiculous example, Cameron! Of course, I wouldn’t do that.”
Well, OK, a bit ridiculous, but is this too far off?
(photo compliments of BKRS)
At least with the guy whose cock is hanging out, you can ask him to put it back in. How do you make this guy normal again? That’s fodder for another day.
Pictured above is a guy who at some point lost touch with common sense and sensibilities. His emotional zeal for becoming a “Pick Up Artist” overpowered his brain’s logic and reason. Granted, this can happen to any of us to some extent, but this dude took it to another level. Point is that you have to balance the concept and its application. I am for pushing social boundaries but then you have to know how to do so without repercussions to yourself, your lifestyle, and your career.
As another example, you may get away with dressing up like a flamboyant rock-star in Los Angeles or NY, but you just might downright get your ass kicked in a smaller redneck town. Now, this is pretty much common sense, but it becomes lost in the zeal of “Pick Up Artist Mastery.”
If you can remember the objectives in the back of your mind,,
- Chief goal is improving your social skills, social intelligence, social confidence,
- Staying true to your identity and ideals
- Applying fair-Balance between the outrageous advice and your particular lifestyle.
When you come across ANY concept, you have to apply the following questions:
-Does this fit in within my lifestyle?
-Is this conducive to the TYPE OF WOMEN I desire?
-In which Area is this going to benefit me?
The 3 areas for potential benefit are:
- Social Skills.
- Social Intelligence.
- Social Confidence.
Which area are you improving in?
- Example: NLP Infatuation
Some guys become obsessed with learning NLP, hidden phrases, embedded commands. So, let’s say you’re being bogged down in NLP. What areas are you going to improve you in?
–Social Skills? Definitely not. It’s sold as a better communication tool, but have you ever observed NLP people trying to socialize at a party? Enough said.
–Social Intelligence? Probably not in terms of getting girls. Unless you consider trying to manipulate people with embedded commands a tool of social intelligence.
–Social Confidence? Well, I don’t think so. If you think it helps your confidence, go for it.
Apply common sense and decide for yourself. As a side note, now that you know that, you’ll see a trend amongst my dating-related articles. Each article fits into one of the above categories.
Example of my previous articles (Yes, this is where I get to boast) :
- My recent Articles on “How to spot promiscuous and/or toxic girls“: Social Intelligence.
. - Recent Article on “How to develop Charm“: Social Skills.
. - Various Articles on “Understanding the importance of purpose & Identity“: Confidence (Better Self-Image.)
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I know you’re thinking, “Clever Cameron! How did he do that!” I know, right??? [Inside joke if you follow the blog]
OK, but now that the secret is out, let’s get to another important issue in the AREA OF SOCIAL SKILLS that will ENABLE you to gain SOCIAL CONFIDENCE.
That’s coming in the next article, I am going t share one of the most profound secrets that’s been staring you in the face all along!
Stay tuned,
Cameron
Thanks Cameron, I think you made some really good points. Btw am thinking of getting my younger students (I teach English) to read your articles too.
Ultimately it is up to us to do what we think is the best for our situation.
I wonder how many girls we lose by following what the PUA gurus are saying when the girl we’re with is heavily influenced by Cosmo or ‘the Rules’ or whatever. An example I wrote about a few days ago is when you take a girl ‘just for coffee’. PUAs say don’t invest too much in the interaction so we go for a coffee or two, but I’ve found a few Czech girls just walk away thinking you’re cheap and not ready to invest in the interaction and as a result ending it.
So – going back to the main message of your blog as I see it – I decided to put aside the RSD-style advice and instead choose a nicer, more stylish place for drinks.
Sounds simple and common sense, but we can sometimes get swayed off track without even realising it.
I commend you for being straight forward. No smoke and mirrors. Just the plain truth.
Too weird…I’ve just posted something along these lines on my blog. We’re on the same wavelength Cameron.
Great post!
Sn.
Ok
I know who that guy is… he runs the “Mexican lair”… such a shame for my country…
Best advice I’ve ever gotten… somebody told me that if you can’t talk to old ladies you can’t talk to hot girls. Start by practicing on them.
As a clarification I mean just holding a normal conversation not hitting on them :)
Prague,
I once spent about 5 days in Prague, even taught a workshop there. I’ll write about that experience sometime soon. It may provide some insight to your issue.
Regarding the dinner issue: Your idea of going for drinks is great. Here is the key to keep in mind: You are not just working against “Cosmo” and other such magazines. Some of it is also cultural conditioning. Girls have been raised to think that this is how things ought to be.
So you have to find creative ways around it. Mix in a bit of humor with a strong perspective, and don’t argue about it. (I’ll expand more on this in articles to come.)
Omar, thanks man.
Stephen, well, to relish in a bit of self-indulgence, great minds think alike. The funny thing is that NLP think just popped into my head as I was writing, but you could find so many other examples to plug in there.
Cameron
PS. Alex, one guy run the lair for an entire country??!
No, just Mexico City, but they travel all around the country and they call it MexLair. Here in Mexico pick up is not nearly as famous as in US or Europe, (fortunately or not) we don’t have the VH1 PUA show, and The Game (El Método) is found in the darkest place of 1 or 2 bookstores. PU is really, I mean REALLY unusual here.
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I like your stuff dude. You got a lot of great value and you think in terms of different paradigms (which I like)
I’d like to do a guest post or link exchange sometime. Let me know, and check out my blog.
B.B.
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Alex: Its really not that uncommon. Its just that most guys are too ashamed to admit that they are “learning how to pick up girls”. Or they get into it, realize its not a magical solution to their insecurities, and leave.
Cameron: One of the MexLair guys claims that he taugh bootcamps with you. Not that he took one of your bootcamps, but that he worked as an instructor alongside you and Dreamweaver.
He also says he worked with Mystery and Ross Jeffries. Do you know that guy?
I agree with the above opinion,guys will feel ashamed when they are discovered of learning about how to pick up girls. ilyas from http://whycantigetagirlfriend.blogspot.com/